Transparency

Ive gotten critisized for being too transparent... mostly because they didnt want to know what i really was. instead, they were content to have a euphoric image of me... an image than in every sense was a false understanding of who i truly am

i realize i take a sort of pride in being open. not a selfish pride, but i consider it my gift to the world, to tell and explain, and regurgetate why i am the way i am and how many silly foolish things i have done, do and continue to do...

i feel that mistakes are part of the essence of life, and if we try to cover up what makes us who we truly are then we are presneting this false image and in turn, lieing to alll those around...

perhaps lying is a bit harsh, but i assume that someone who doesnt open up about faults is either ashamed or too proud to let the world know..

i know there are those who tell all, about their struggles in hopes for some twisted manipulated sympathy... but i dont do it for that.... quite the opposite... i tell mine in a hopes that someon will feel more free to be free... to make mistakes and know that they are surrmountable.. i do it to help others... to open the eyes of someone and allow them to breath easier...

but its hard when someone wants you to be perfect... because i am not... by no means... and i am struggling in my own heart to hold onto my faultyess, and not try to hooed wink the world into thinking that i am better than i am...

i dont like that... leaves a bad taste in my mouth..

no no... so to all the world, i am so imperfect... i am so flawed... i am so foolish...
so selfish still and yet my heart is big, i promise. and i am trying everyday... but whos to say when i will get it right or if i ever will.